Posted by: Rebecca | March 30, 2012

Hurling projectiles…

I’m on a train back to the city and have just witnessed one of the funniest things I’ve seen yet in Sydney. I dropped off shortly after the train left Katoomba and was awoken a moment ago by the sound of two women screaming at each other, seemingly arguing over nothing more than who could shout loudest and get the last word! As I’ve been asleep I’ve no idea what happened to kick it off, but the first woman (let’s call her Madge, she looks like a Madge) is shouting at Kim opposite (who could potentially be a Kardasian), because her child was ‘projecting projectiles’ at her (love it!) and she could’ve been hit in the eye. Meanwhile Kim, who as this point does not have her voice raised as much as Madge) is asking Madge to refrain from shouting in front of her children. This argument continues until Madge gets personal, and starts to swear. Kim doesn’t like this, and her voice starts to grow louder too. The same argument continues. More swearing and abuse creeping in from Madge, and Kim who has so far kept the (slightly) calmer of the two, starts to get rattled. Madge has now started to hint that Kim is probably quite a violent person. This is the last straw for Kim, who now joins in the swearing and responds by saying that Madge is lucky the kids are here, otherwise she’d have smacked Madge by now. Woooooh this is getting interesting! I’ve never seen two women argue and abuse each other quite so intensely WITHOUT lifting a finger! It’s very entertaining! If they moved to Newcastle, they could save our NHS a fortune in weekend A&E services!

Hang on, here comes the cavalry… a women (let’s call her Jane – she has that kind of plainness about her) has arrived and is trying to diffuse the situation. Madge and Kim both ignore her completely. The shouting continues. If this was GNER, all the kids would, by now, be screaming, there’d be food everywhere, and someone would’ve pulled the Emergency Stop cord… eeeeeeeeeek! We’re stopping. Bugger. The Emergency Stop cord has been pulled. Should I tell them that this is a fineable offence? Na, they’d probably all ignore me. Maybe I should project a projectile across the carriage towards them, then keep my head down and see what happens?

The train guard has now showed up too, and Madge’s story changes significantly; apparently she’s a victim here, and everyone around her will confirm that Kim has threatened to hit her. Talk about spin! At this point, even Jane decides Kim is the scapegoat, so she suggests Kim and her children move to the other end of the carriage with her. Kim agrees. They move.

However, this appears not to be the reason the train has stopped – an actual fight has broken out between two lads on the platform! You couldn’t write this! Neighbours WAS real life in Australia, not just a made-up sitcom! I’m converted – come back Charlene, all is forgiven! This is the best in-flight entertainment I’ve had so far!

ttfn /Boxy


OMG now the police have turned up to take statements! This is brilliant! Madge is now admitting she wasn’t bothered about contacting the police (even though she asked the train guard to call them, and she did call 000 herself to report it) but it’s probably a waste of police time. The policeman says he must record details, but Madge is reluctant to articulate the situation in the middle of the train carriage. WTF? She was quite happy to hurl abuse at Kim but doesn’t want to calmly explain to a policeman what happened, even though Kim’s now at the other end of the carriage? Embarrassment perhaps?

My observation would be that Madge has a classic case of ‘I have a loud voice and will complain at any opportunity, especially if it’s at another Mother who is clearly not as good at parenting as me’. Whilst Kim is probably just as good a parent, but has a much quieter voice – when this is eventually raised, it’s to shout at people, rather than to try and be the loudest person in the conversation. This makes her more volatile and, had her children not been there, she probably would indeed have rolled up her sleeves and shown her nails!

Train guard has just come over the tannoy ‘doors closing’ – the passengers all cheers (except Madge and Kim, who are keeping their eyes down at separate ends of the carriage) and we’re moving again.

Blimey, I need a beer after all that! Brilliant!

ttfn /Boxy xx

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